Sunday, December 4, 2016

Cripples At Christmas 2016

Behold, this year's Christmas cartoons, featuring so many of my dearest disabled cronies. I promise, you can laugh. Image description below its corresponding cartoon. 

1.     Image description- Text says “The Christmas orthotics didn’t have quite the same ring as the Christmas shoes.” Picture of leg orthotics and a wheelchair using stick figure whose thought bubble says “Hmmm. I thought it was catchy.”

 IImage description – Text says "No one seems to appreciate the wheelie’s contribution to the holiday potluck…" There is a picture of a wheelchair using stick figure whose speech bubble says "’Tis the season for joint pain!" He is wearing a Santa hat and holding a jar of Tylenol. A nearby ambulatory stick figure says “Jeez, what a buzz kill. I brought cookies."

1.     Image description – Text says “Santa gave up on the lumps of coal and instead, subjected those on the naughty list to a day at the Social Security office.” A nearby sign reads: “Welcome to the Social Security Administration! For your discomfort, all the Christmas joy has been sucked out of the air." A stick figure says “Getting coal seems like a dream.”

1.     Image description – Text says "Carolers from the durable medical equipment vendor sang a clever new tune to sell power chairs.” A speech bubble with music notes says “JOYSTICK TO THE WORLD, YOUR CHAIR HAS COME.”  Next to the speech bubble, it says "Happy holidays and rest assured, you have met your deductible!"

1.     Image description – Text says "The palsy Christmas choir highlighted the struggles of cold related muscle spasticity with their smash hit Tight Christmas." Picture of an album cover depicting a person in a wheelchair wearing a Santa hat. The cover says BACLOFEN PRESCRIPTION DISCOUNT WITH EVERY CD SOLD. HIT SINGLE.

1.     Image description- Text says “ When Santa’s declining mobility forced him to swap out the sleigh for an enchanted accessible van, the reindeer had to build some muscle.” Picture of a reindeer pulling a van with a speech bubble “Sh*t, this is heavy!”

1.     Image description- Text says “Social Security warned that Christmas joy was now a countable asset, and thus, SSI recipients should plan accordingly." A stick figure in a wheelchair is thinking “If I just frown a lot, they'll never know I'm kind of excited for Christmas." A nearby letter reads “Dear SSI recipient, to remain eligible, you are only allowed one joyful Christmas thought per week starting December 1. We've provided some brochures about death to help quell these thoughts. Sincerely, the SSA Committee on Misery Assurance.

1.     Text says “The Swan with CP would not be a swimming without her water wings.” Picture of a swan wearing arm floats. The swan is saying “I think I would mess up the song’s rhythm if I were a drowning.”

1.     Text says “Paratransit hit a new low when it dropped Santa off at the Easter bunny’s house.” Picture is Santa arriving at an egg shaped house by bus bearing an accessible symbol. Santa’s speech bubble says “How many times do I have to go over this? I don’t live in an Easter egg.”

1.     Text says “Vocational rehab had failed for yet another season to help the misfit toys find jobs." Picture shows an elephant with spots and a train with square wheels. The train is saying "that Yuletide job specialist really got my hopes up."

1.     Text says “Rudolph protested being treated like a piece of inspiration porn.” Picture of a reindeer with a speech bubble that says: “Literally, all I did was exist.” Newspaper headline says, “Courageous reindeer with different abilities to go down in history.”

1.     Text says “The disabled friends planned their new year’s eve party resigned to the fact that SSI checks don’t come until the first of the month.” Picture of four stick figures in wheelchairs wearing party hats. Each has a speech bubble. Speech bubble one: Well, if we can only afford one piece of confetti, people will get the idea.
Speech Bubble two: Let’s rock, paper, scissors for the one chicken wing.
Speech bubble three: Dude, your hands are stuck in "rock"
Speech bubble four: At least we'll have money at midnight.