Thursday, December 15, 2022

Cripples At Christmas 2022

 Happy holidays everyone! Please enjoy this year's Cripples At Christmas cartoon collection.

Image description below each corresponding photo. 

A 2022 Hess toy truck has an accessible symbol on the side. Advertisement bubbles say, “Remote control lift!”, “Working tie downs!”, and “Comes with free simulated calls to an incompetent lift repair service!” A final bubble says, “Only $1000!”

1.     The most authentic feature of the new wheelchair accessible Christmas Hess truck was the wildly inflated price tag…

Image decription: A 2022 Hess toy truck has an accessible symbol on the side. Advertisement bubbles say, “Remote control lift!”, “Working tie downs!”, and “Comes with free simulated calls to an incompetent lift repair service!” A final bubble says, “Only $1000!”


A spooky ghost shouts, “I am the ghost of ailments past!” Various gift boxes are marked with different ailments such as “Phantom pain from bygone ulcer,” “Tripped over nothing—twisted knee,” “Breathed wrong—hurt back,” “Pulled neck rolling over in bed,” “Weird knee pain from last July flaring” and “Surgical hardware that still produces wildly uncomfortable tingling.” A wheelchair user stick figure in a night cap says, “Shit, this is scarier than the original!”

2.  As Christmas approached and the weather grew colder, adults with CP found themselves visited by a much different ghost than the one haunting Scrouge…

Image description:A spooky ghost shouts, “I am the ghost of ailments past!” Various gift boxes are marked with different ailments such as “Phantom pain from bygone ulcer,” “Tripped over nothing—twisted knee,” “Breathed wrong—hurt back,” “Pulled neck rolling over in bed,” “Weird knee pain from last July flaring” and “Surgical hardware that still produces wildly uncomfortable tingling.” A wheelchair user stick figure in a night cap says, “Shit, this is scarier than the original."


A bewildered Santa exclaims, “Ho Ho Ho-ly shit! What happened here?” A wheelchair user elf surrounded by beads says, “OK, so I dropped a few beads…”

3. An uptick in requests for beaded jewelry kits at Santa’s workshop had the disabled elves suffering major flashbacks to occupational therapy…

Image description: A bewildered Santa exclaims, “Ho Ho Ho-ly shit! What happened here?” A wheelchair user elf surrounded by beads says, “OK, so I dropped a few beads…”

A nutcracker with a tall hat and mustache states, “OK, so it’s Easter… a walnut’s a walnut. You get the idea.” A skeptical Easter bunny with a decorated egg looks on…

4.   The nutcracker with CP was still working on cracking a walnut from last holiday season…

Image description: A nutcracker with a tall hat and mustache states, “OK, so it’s Easter… a walnut’s a walnut. You get the idea.” A skeptical Easter bunny with a decorated egg looks on…


A webpage heading reads, “Santability: Our new search feature for accessible rentals!” Available filters include, “Filter by: ‘price low to high,’ ‘location,’ and ‘wheelchair access.’” The wheelchair access filter returns zero results and a cheery “Merry Christmas!”


5.  Despite the new “accessibility filter,” the disabled gingerbread man failed to find a single wheelchair- friendly rental on the North Pole Airbnb site…

Image description: A webpage heading reads, “Santability: Our new search feature for accessible rentals!” Available filters include, “Filter by: ‘price low to high,’ ‘location,’ and ‘wheelchair access.’” The wheelchair access filter returns zero results and a cheery “Merry Christmas!”


While music notes float by, one goose states, “ The only ‘a-laying’ I’ll be doing is a-laying in bed!” Another replies, “Agreed.” “Have you seen the Motrin?”

6.  On the sixth day of Christmas, the geese with chronic pain interpreted “a laying” quite differently than most…

Image description: While music notes float by, one goose states, “ The only ‘a-laying’ I’ll be doing is a-laying in bed!” Another replies, “Agreed.” “Have you seen the Motrin?”

Seven disabled swans are surrounded by music notes as they swim past various bills (wheelchair parts, Rx meds, physical therapy, overpriced bandages, and Miralax). One says, “I was hoping for a leisurely dip,” and another sighs, “Time to start a GooseFundMe.”

7.     On the seventh day of Christmas, the disabled swans found themselves “a-swimming” in medical bills…

Image description: Seven disabled swans are surrounded by music notes as they swim past various bills (wheelchair parts, Rx meds, physical therapy, overpriced bandages, and Miralax). One says, “I was hoping for a leisurely dip,” and another sighs, “Time to start a GooseFundMe.”

Several ambulatory stick figures shout insults at two wheelchair user stick figure maids a milking such as “benefit scrounger!” and “Free loader.” Nearby cows awaiting milking shout, “benefit scrounger!” and “Mooooooch.” One wheelchair user says, “God, even the cows are ableist.”


8. On the eighth day of Christmas, the disabled maids were met with unfounded accusations of “a- milking” the benefits system…

Image description: Several ambulatory stick figures shout insults at two wheelchair user stick figure maids a milking such as “benefit scrounger!” and “Free loader.” Nearby cows awaiting milking shout, “benefit scrounger!” and “Mooooooch.” One wheelchair user says, “God, even the cows are ableist.”


An angel ornament lies on the floor near a Christmas tree with a gift. The angel says “Damn it! Not again…” An EMS firefighter stands nearby and says “Uh… this is awkward. I think you went to my high school…”

9.  After falling off the Christmas tree multiple times, the gimpy ornament was forced to purchase a Life Alert system…

Image description: An angel ornament lies on the floor near a Christmas tree with a gift. The angel says “Damn it! Not again…” An EMS firefighter stands nearby and says “Uh… this is awkward. I think you went to my high school…”


A plane from Toybox Airlines sits on the runway. Nearby, a flipped over wheelchair is surrounded by flames. A “TSA Cares” agent states, “There’s been a slight accident.” From within the plane, Barbie’s speech bubble says, “What do you mean three tires are missing?”



10.   Wheelchair Barbie instantly regretted traveling by plane for her Christmas break trip…

Image description: A plane from Toybox Airlines sits on the runway. Nearby, a flipped over wheelchair is surrounded by flames. A “TSA Cares” agent states, “There’s been a slight accident.” From within the plane, Barbie’s speech bubble says, “What do you mean three tires are missing?”




A group of dilapidated gingerbread people, missing limbs and using candy canes to walk stand by a sign welcoming them to the Candy Pains Support Group. The speech bubbles say respectively, “If I have to fill out one more pain scale, I’m gonna throw a gum drop,” “No, I’m not buying cinnamon incense!” and “Yes, I’ve tried yoga.”


 11.     Following a historic increase in accidents among gingerbread people, membership in the                 North Pole chronic pain support group, Candy Pains, was at an all-time high…

Image description: A group of dilapidated gingerbread people, missing limbs and using candy canes to walk stand by a sign welcoming them to the Candy Pains Support Group. The speech bubbles say respectively, “If I have to fill out one more pain scale, I’m gonna throw a gum drop,” “No, I’m not buying cinnamon incense!” and “Yes, I’ve tried yoga..."


A bamboozled Mr. Potato Head with a missing arm and a teddy bear stand surrounded by beer cans, bottles of North Pole Pale Ale, spiked coca, and bottles of Jingle Juice. Mr. Potato Head says “Damn it. Already used my replacement arm when the dog ate my first one this summer.” The teddy bear replies, “Dude, what did we do last night?”


12.     After a wild night in the North Pole for the annual Christmas toy reunion, Mr. Potato Head was feeling the consequences of SantaCare’s “one limb per lifetime” policy…

 

Image description: A bamboozled Mr. Potato Head with a missing arm and a teddy bear stand surrounded by beer cans, bottles of North Pole Pale Ale, spiked coca, and bottles of Jingle Juice. Mr. Potato Head says “Damn it. Already used my replacement arm when the dog ate my first one this summer.” The teddy bear replies, “Dude, what did we do last night?”