Dear Expectant Mother,
I have a disability. I expect
you’ve been told that I am the “news every mother to be dreads”. It’s not your
fault you feel this way. The medical community has trained you to think that
the worst has happened if your baby is born and found to be “like me”.
Pregnancy message boards and magazines, instead of telling you that if your
child does have a disability, he or she can still be happy, assuage this
concern by telling you that “only one in thirty three babies is born with a
birth defect”, according to the CDC. It’s not your fault that the doctors and
nurses have presented the future as bleak by default should your baby be “like
me”. They are merely repeating what our culture has told them for so many
years. But before you lose sleep over the possibility of a life like mine,
please listen to me, if you love your baby as deeply as you say you do. Do not
be afraid. You have
every right to be a little apprehensive should your child be disabled, because
you will need to learn new things, and be prepared for the occasional unkind
question. But please, do not be afraid. It pains me to know that my life, the
life I love, is used as a scenario to scare you. I am good. I am happy. I am
alive. And if any baby born to you has a disability, that baby can be the same. I dream of the day, when disability or not, the doctors will tell you,
“Congratulations, you’re pregnant, and I know your baby will be beautiful”. I
hope they will teach you to see someone like me as one of the trillions of
enchanting human variations that may come to be as a result of you becoming a
mom. I hope that they will acknowledge the extra wit, humor, and patience it
requires to raise a disabled baby, but also acknowledge that if it happens, you
will meet some amazing people. You will be exposed to a brilliant culture, and
be able to know things so many of your “mommy friends” never will. I hope they
will teach you to fear things like unkindness, selfishness, and lack of respect
in your child, instead of disabilities. And if they don’t teach you, I hope you will teach them… because having a good heart is far
more important than being able to walk.
If you have a baby that is so called “normal”, but knows
nothing of treating others with love, you are in for a far more difficult life
than another mother, whose baby will grow to be an exemplary being with a disability. Think hard about what you should truly be afraid of.
Then, instead of wishing for a child who can walk, and talk, and see, and hear,
and learn like all the others, wish for one who is kind, generous,
compassionate, and alive… because any mother with a child like that is the
luckiest mommy on earth. I wish you luck and thank you, because you have the
most important job in the world. And I hope that if you see me pass by you on
the street, you will notice my rattling, vibrantly decorated wheelchair, and
then notice that I am a happy person. I
hope that you will close your eyes, and wish with every little piece of your
heart, that the baby you’re expecting will be happy too. And then, you will
realize that maybe; you want a child like me after all.
Love,
A “Grown-Up” with a Disability
Awesome.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for reading. Stay tuned for more.
DeleteThis is just everything. I wish I had read it when I was pregnant with Sim.
ReplyDeleteThank you!!!! I want more than anything to help people with this blog.
ReplyDeleteBEAUTIFUL. Thank you
ReplyDeleteWonderful. I think this is the best piece I have read from your blog. Love it!
ReplyDelete